real life

I talk a lot about my kids in general. But I know I ramble more about the “when they were little” phases. You know sleepless nights, potty training, and teething.

When they are little all those problems you encounter are new and seem huge and hard to manage. You aren’t sure what to expect. And not to mention you are dealing with them on very little sleep and even less caffeine because of course you don’t know where you left your coffee this morning! Even after working with kids in one capacity or another for more than 10 years before having my first child, I still didn’t know things. I guessed… A lot! I knew the development. I knew the rough ages of what they should be learning and when. I knew how to potty train. I knew I didn’t want them to have a pacifier past one year (insert eye roll here).

Now don’t get me wrong. I have GREAT kids. Honestly! For the most part, they are respectful, well behaved, mostly good listeners, and they have good hearts. They drive me nuts a lot of the time but all in all I can’t complain and honestly, I’m not sure it is because of me. But I digress.

See what I am noticing though is that we are moving into this new phase. Most of you know it or at least remember it. It is this time of finding your voice and who you are, being awkward, making bad decisions and even worse fashion statements. We are entering… the TWEEN years. (Bum bum buuuuuum)

But see these are not the years I am accustomed to. I don’t know how to handle these years, especially for boys! I barely made it through these years as a girl (which I am also not looking forward to in about 8 years with Mermaid). I surely was not paying attention to how my male cohorts experienced these years. Now yes, my husband is familiar and takes an active role in these situations but where are the I’m a mom of a tween boy posts. For real though, can you moms who have been there, done that start making infographics and blogs and quick study stuff for these years because it is happening and happening fast!

Here’s what I have learned so far… It isn’t much as we are just about to hit 11 so follow up with me in say 2-4 years and I’ll let you know how wrong I was

Try to remember at this point privacy is becoming a big thing. Knocking on doors, giving them alone time, etc. It teaches them to respect your space as much as they would like theirs respected.
They still need hugs and kisses. They may not show it often, but they still have a little bit of little kid in them that needs the affection.
They are finding their voice and sometimes they can cut you deep (because, SURPRISE, they legit are with you now). But if you listen to what they say, you may just realize that they are telling you exactly what they need, just maybe in a jumbled mess of big emotions
Their interests can literally be anything. With as much as I would love to not listen to a 30 minute lecture on the healing power of 3 common crystals, or a 15 minutes diatribe on a Pokémon I have never even heard of, or have him talk to me in sentences that have 1 or 2 words replaced with their Latin counterpart, I also will NEVER squash those interests because they are important to him.
I need to reach out more. I can’t expect him to come to me. He is too anxious of a person and too timid to admit that he “doesn’t know” something and so I have to go to him and sneak in those little lessons through a back door conversation

See it isn’t much, but I’m learning also. I’m learning to apologize when I do something wrong. I am learning that I have to deal with my emotions appropriately if I want them to do the same (oh hey ADHD and anxiety! Thanks for that!). I am trying to get better about privacy for all of my children, because it is about respect. I know I am going to screw up. He’s the first. But we will still get through this together. And I am hoping that taking the time this year to really learn and bond with each other, it will be a huge step in the right direction.

I can say this… He still hugs me and tells me he loves me and that means the world to me❤️ So maybe I’m doing something right🤷‍♀️

I have been thinking about this for a week. I wasn’t sure if I was going to write it. But I think I need to. I need to for me and I need to for the mom or dad who is struggling and needs to know they aren’t alone.

A little back story. My oldest has had a rough couple weeks. Like seriously… rough. He is at the age of testing boundaries and feeling like he is grown enough to make his own choices but is still only 9 so those choices are not always the greatest. He got in trouble for a myriad of things and therefore was not allowed to participate in a play date with friends. I wanted to spend time with her and her family, so I was not about to cancel something that my 2 other kids and I were looking forward to because *he* couldn’t make the right choice, especially because I had already done that with another friend that week. While hanging out at the playground, my friend couldn’t believe that my child was in trouble. She even said that she thinks of my life as perfect and that my kids could never do anything wrong. (If you are that friend, seriously this isn’t about what you said, I love you and this is just because I want you to know your life is no less perfect than mine😘)

I am here to tell you…. it isn’t and he did.

Because I am not perfect. I am far from perfect. I yell, I cry, I am lazy and somedays I struggle holding my little life together. My house is a mess more days than not. I am horrible at communicating my needs (ask my husband). I live with anxiety and a form of depression. I read books to learn to be a better person because I am not fully the person I want to be or saw myself being. I forget things on a regular basis, like moving laundry, calling my parents back, taking stuff to goodwill, and even making doctors appointments for my children’s well visits. I rarely have a good night’s sleep and I take the weight of the world on my shoulders. I spend WAY too much time on my phone, which causes me to think I am failing in all sorts of ways (you know what I am talking about…). I have trouble letting go of things (both physical and mental) even though I know my life would be less chaotic if I did. I worry about things that I said to someone 3 years ago. I drink way too much coffee and I relax with a glass of wine or 2 a couple times a week. I let things slip through the cracks that I know I shouldn’t.

My children are not perfect either. They are good kids, don’t get me wrong. Honestly, if there is one thing I am confident in, it is being a mom. I will always do my best to aim them in the right direction. But that doesn’t mean they won’t stray. They have their own free will and they are going to make the wrong choices. It is part of growing up. My job is to show them that their actions, good or bad have consequences. They have attitudes, they don’t want to do chores, and they get their Switch taken away at least 2x a month. They have lied, hurt things and people, attempted to steal (yep, not a proud moment for me), thrown fits, yelled, got toys taken away, haven’t clean up after themselves, and pissed me off more times than I can count.

My kids are homeschooled, as most of you know. But that doesn’t mean our days always go smoothly. They get frustrated with school, just like every kid. They hate when things get hard and they don’t get it right away. They don’t like doing busy work that seems like it has no reason for it. They would prefer to play video games or go outside or play with LEGO. They hate to write, complain about math, and science and history are almost non-existent right now because I was tired of fighting about them. Some days I want to give it up and put them in public school. But honestly it just isn’t for our family. My stresses would increase 10 fold if I did and, yes, part of the reason I homeschool is because of my own stress. #callmeselfishidontcare

I aim for perfection. I rarely hit my target. But I struggle when I don’t hit it because I am a perfectionist. I want the perfect house with the perfectly groomed kids who always listen and I meet each day with a joyous attitude and everything is beautifully decorated and has a place. I want the Instagram dream life. This is a dream that will never happen. Not until they are out of the house at least, and then I am going to miss these days because it will be quiet and I will be drinking hot coffee and reading a book and missing stepping on LEGO and playing tea party.

In reality, at this exact moment, I have a 2 year old who just finished her first of probably 3 movies of the day. My 7 year old is throwing a Scentsy Scentpak around and then running after it (not really sure why) while dressed in dress pants and a torn tee shirt. And my 9 year old is getting frustrated that the 7 year old keeps running in front of his video game while wearing long sleeves and sweat pants despite being told at least twice that it is too hot for that. None of their teeth are brushed because they ran out of toothpaste yesterday morning and I didn’t want to go to the store. I have dirty dishes on the counter and in the sink, laundry in the washer and dryer that has been there for 3 days, my bathrooms are gross, our dining/school room are a mess, there is a random bag of rubber bands strewn about my couch along with a ton of Duplo. We won’t be doing any school today, just like every Friday, because I. don’t. want. to. My hair is up in the same bun since Wednesday night, I am in the pjs I wore yesterday, I’ll shower when I can (probably naptime), and I have a zit on my forehead. I can tell I am having a rough mental day, although I haven’t lost my crap today (yet)! I am behind on orders and working with my UBAM business. I still have to run to the store to get the stuff for the beach that I forgot last week and the stuff I forgot for our dinner tonight and toothpaste since I didn’t know we were out.

My life isn’t perfect. If you look at my pictures, they are cropped because of the mess in the background. I show my kids reading, because yes they like to do that, but they also like to play with swords and at least once a day someone is hurt by their brother or sister. My dogs still have accidents in the house. I will loose my temper today. You may see a picture of my little one in a cute mermaid dress with a coordinating bow, but it probably took me 5 tries to get her smiling or not blurred. I am not perfect and my life isn’t perfect. But this morning, I woke up and I kissed my husband who loves me unconditionally in our messy unmade bed (and it will stay that way). I got my 3 kids up and ready in (probably) clean clothing and fed them decently healthy breakfasts. The boys have already destroyed their room with LEGO, my Mermaid is being a great “Mommy” to her babies. They are home with me. They are learning through life. We are figuring out things together. It isn’t Instagram worthy. It is messy, tiring, and not usually pretty. But just like your life, it isn’t perfect, but it is still great in its imperfections.

Tag: real life

But what about the big kids?

The Perfect Life