Did you ever think (Spoiler alert: for parents of 1 child under 2) during those sleepless newborn nights that you would be MORE exhausted when they got older? Like, seriously! I didn’t think this was possible. I was always so tired. My boys didn’t sleep… they didn’t like naps, they woke up at least once a night until they were over 1. I was TIRED. But that was a different tired.
This tired now is physical still, but also mental. You can’t fix all the hurts with a simple kiss to the knee or hand. Timeout doesn’t always right the wrong. Yelling doesn’t make them stop, and man do I yell! When they were little, their problems were little. Their hurts were little. Their emotions were simpler. Now we have to deal with anxieties, worries, fears, failures, triumphs, elation, and intense joy (and that is just before breakfast)! I try hard not to be a helicopter mom (no judgement if you are) but I also worry about what could have happened or what will happen. I try to let them grow in independence and learn to navigate life but still be there to give guidance and be a safety net.
I am a mom to just a 9 and almost 7 year old (and a 19 month old- who would have thought that would be the easy age?). And. I. can’t. I don’t even want to think about how hard it is going to be when they are teens and driving and dating (ok, stop, I’m going to make myself cry). Do they grow to be less tiring? Because I’m waiting for that day, but I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel (it must be blocked with LEGO, dirty clothes, and baseballs). I can’t imagine dealing with those problems because the problems we are dealing now already seem so big and significant.
Don’t get me wrong, they are AMAZING kids who are actually well-behaved in almost all situations. But man they drive me up a wall. They never stop moving, or talking for that matter. They fight with each other and argue with me. With other people, they generally get along and are quick to correct themselves, thankfully. But here, at home, this is their safe space. That means it is a battle zone. As a mom who deals with her own anxiety issues, and being an introvert, it is hard to constantly deal with other people’s emotions to begin with. But then, to be around it constantly and the stress of knowing they are looking to you on how to cope with those emotions? Some days, that is an unbearable mental load.
I just hope if you are a mom reading this, you know you aren’t alone. I see you. I see your tired. I know you love those babies more than life and that is why we keep going. You just do the best you can. There is nothing else you can do. When you learn better, do better. But until then, sleep when you can, make sure you are recharging your battery. And don’t forget to see thee good even in the exhausting times
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